Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
