i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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