Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
