Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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