Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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