Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
