i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
