I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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