Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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