i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
