i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
