I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
