Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
