i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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