Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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