part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize