Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
are you so shy because you have an std?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
