WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
