If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
