And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
