It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
