My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
