Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
