Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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