at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
