This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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