I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
