When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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