i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
