I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
