Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
