come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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