Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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