Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
