So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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