Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
