you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My vagina just clenched in fear
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
