i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
operation have a gay friend backfired
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
