I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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