I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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