I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
