Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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