Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
