I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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