yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
