Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize