And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
