Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
