Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize