im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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