I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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