do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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