And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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