omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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