he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
