why didn't you poke me back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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