At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize