dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
