This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
