In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
