i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
