i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
