I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
