she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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