You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
