Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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