i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize