How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
