I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
