They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
