I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
