So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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