I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
