oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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