Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
