paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
