First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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