I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
should my penis look like a turkey
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
