Duck Duck Cougar?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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