I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
