Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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