I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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