how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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