New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
