I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize