you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
