I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there was a trapeze. enough said
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
