I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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