dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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