Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
cat food counts as protein by the way
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
