i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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