Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
