I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
