So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
