Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
