I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
