the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
