Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
