Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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