no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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