I seem to have left my pride at pride
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
