And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
