Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
