we're blogging at a bar
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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