boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
