i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
