Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
