Sry I called you an 8
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
