so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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