the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
